I forget


What exists when you close your eyes?

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I forget. Was she left-handed or right-handed? Did she put sugar in her coffee cup before she poured the coffee or after? I don’t remember. When I held her in my arms did she smile when I whispered, I love you?

I can’t remember. Maybe I fell into a story and couldn’t get out of fast enough to save myself. Maybe it was a dream. Maybe it was a wish. Maybe it never happened.

Were we in love? Were we together? Weren’t we? Did we? Didn’t we? I can’t remember. It had to be something, didn’t it? Wasn’t it? A wish? A dream? A story. A lie. Maybe it was and maybe it wasn’t and maybe it doesn’t matter and maybe it never did except in a certain aspect of twilight time that vanishes with daylight, that’s erased when I open my eyes and all I know is that I can’t remember a thing because I’ve left or she’s gone and we’re gone or never were. And I forget.

8 Responses to I forget

  1. coco paksi says:

    i love my gf but she is far from me…i dont know if she finds someone else…

  2. kristinfreak says:

    hey🙂 i found your blog some days ago and i love the way you are writing, because it is just the way i am feeling🙂 for me it is very… well I think new to have such feelings towards an other girl…and your words are helping me to get along with it. thank you for that, and please keep on writing!! ♥
    (sorry, for my english i’m from germany🙂 )
    greetings, kristifreak (18)

    • FS says:

      Hello Kristin. You’re most welcome.🙂. Glad you found your way here (Canada) all the way from Germany.

      Please, no apologies are needed. Your English is perfectly fine and clear.

      For some of us, that first realization of feelings for another girl can be a bit unsettling, specially if it isn’t something you ever thought of before. You’ve got to know that it’s okay to have those feelings and to express them, and to live them and to be the person you are and to love who you want to love or date who you want to date, or like who you want to like. And if that’s another girl, or a woman, that is perfectly okay. I hope you know that.

      I also hope you know that you don’t have to choose an identity if that doesn’t feel right — sometimes like, love (or lust) doesn’t really care if it’s a boy or a girl. Other times it’s quite precise: it has to be another girl. You’ll figure that out. Some people might pressure you to take sides. You do what feels right to you, and if you don’t know what feels right, you can try things on to see how it feels. Or sit with it til it becomes clear.

      You’ll discover lots of new things about yourself over the course of your lifetime…best go into it with a sense of adventure 🙂.

      Take care of you.

      • Dana says:

        LOVE the way you write! Keep doing it. This site made me think about lots of important things in my life…and inspired me in some way. You’re awesome! Take care!

  3. letempspasse says:

    As I ponder these questions I wonder: why do the things we forget haunt us even more, than the ones we remember? Like why did I make so many of those choices, when what I really wanted was something completely different? I forget…
    Perhaps we forget, to make room for the things we need to remember, to justify our choices?

  4. T says:

    I don’t know how I missed this post before but I’m actually glad I did as it articulates perfectly how I’ve been feeling this evening. Wow!

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