Do some lesbians live as straight?


New year, new questions, different levels of curious, and misinformed or uninformed. On the other hand, these questions could be wonderings by people in a country where these subjects are not discussed, and it’s not possible to know what to ask.


Q: Do some lesbians live as straight?

A: Yes, with caveats.

It depends what question you’re really asking.

Do you mean lesbians pretending to be straight, women who know they’re lesbians, and by pretending, you mean that even though they know in their heart of hearts that they love women and are a lesbian, they date and have relationships with men, or are married to men, have kids and do not wish to be a lesbian, and will never come out as a lesbian, or have a lesbian relationship? If that’s what you mean then yes, some lesbians do that.

Or do you mean lesbians who know they are lesbian, and are active as lesbians inasmuch as their romantic, sexual and emotional entanglements are shared with women, but that it’s well-hidden? That they pretend to be straight because coming out is not possible, or safe and so they can only be lesbians in their private, personal, hidden life, while in their social, school or work or family life they are to all prying eyes, straight? If that’s what you mean, then yes, some lesbians do that too.

Do you mean lesbians who are either asexual or celibate and who channel their sexual energy elsewhere, and therefore might also seem to be straight? Yes: some lesbians do that.

Do you mean lesbians living as straight? Do you mean to ask are lesbians in any way like your typical girl or woman as in going to sleep, waking up, having a shower or a bath,  brushing her teeth, putting on makeup, (or not wearing any), getting dressed in skirts, jeans, or other tribal wear; fixing up hair — just as important to lesbian women as it is to straight women — interested in doing well in school, career, cooking, art, relationships, love. Do you mean how lesbians do laundry, keep a home, decide on the colour of the paint on the walls, have friendships? How we manage shovelling snow, watering the lawn, paying the rent or mortgage? Do you mean are lesbians worried about parents, friends, family, the environment and the economy and what equality means and wondering how women’s liberation morphed into feminism and the state of women around the world, or in our own country, or finding great movies and great books and great art shows and fabulous music and making time for growing in heart, mind, body, and soul, and finding the right boots and sexy shoes, and how to hide that PMS-induced zit, or fussing about an extra few pounds or being too thin, or wondering if the woman at the gym with the perfect breasts who keeps walking by naked is making a point or just being natural; or being worried about being not good enough or how to be perfect, or ignoring too much drinking, too many drugs, too much meaningless sex, too much self-denial, or worrying about money, or how to get pregnant when there’s not such thing in a lesbian’s life as a happy accident of pregnancy, and if bamboo socks are really a good thing, and if now is reasonable to become vegan when she’s allergic to nightshades, and whether cosmic orgasms are truly possible, or whether it’s time to stop crazy yoga and go for something gentler, and what to do with this new love or the old one, or what’s the best stainless steel cleaner available, and maybe a worry about being healthy in all ways, or if now is the time to listen to that little inner voice? Is that what you mean?

Do you mean are lesbians anything like straight (women) in their day-to-day life, then the answer is yes, because it has been demonstrated that straight women are people too, at least to the degree that the culture allows women to be people.

In conclusion dear questioner, the answer can be distilled into one word: yes. There are lesbians who live as straight.

4 Responses to Do some lesbians live as straight?

  1. Lived as a “straight” lesbian for a good chunk of my life… it’s nice to be on the curvy path now. :] Love your blog!

  2. Jess says:

    Absolutely love it! Thank you!

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