The top four ways lesbians prevent straight guys from meeting women

on King Street West~~

There’s a belief that’s been around for a couple of thousand years that humans, in particular the males, are rational, logical beings. This ability to be rational and logical makes humans, especially the male, uniquely qualified to look at what’s going on, figure out cause and effect and provide rational explanations that the rest of us can use to make sense of the world. Thank Goddess that one of the (Western) world’s more recent religions, Scientism, is proving that belief wrong.

In fact there’s little about humans, including the human male, that’s logical or rational. I know this in my blood. I know this even as I have a heart filled with love and affection for my male friends, straight and gay. But even as I know this, I’m still surprised each and every time I get a comment on this blog from some guy who has noticed a causal relationship between lesbians and his ability to meet women. Why am I surprised you ask? These logical, rational men are insistent that lesbians are the reason there aren’t any women available to them. They say this as if women were flavours of gelati and somehow, the lesbian cabal has cornered the market on all available straight women, which means there are no women for straight men to have because as we all know, women are to be had.

Dudes! Want some beer with that whine?

It is so tempting to dig into the psychology of why any guy would think this, but I shall resist that temptation. And I am not going to get into how such thinking sets up a whole competitive dynamic between straight guys and lesbians that defies logic and sanity, not to mention that all too rare quality of common sense.

I can only guess why these guys think that it’s the fault of lesbians that they’re sans a girlfriend. Suffice it to say that there are people who find it necessary and natural to blame others rather than take responsibility and face the reality for what is or is not happening in their life. But I do feel for people who want to find love and can’t, even if I think that blaming other people or groups shows an emotional IQ deep in the negative integers.

With that feeling, let me start at the beginning. We humans — gay, straight, mixed or indifferent — often find it necessary to assign cause and effect even where none exists, or at least not where we can fathom it. Let’s imagine that there’s a grain of truth to what these guys believe, which is as follows: that the dearth of available women for straight men is a direct result of lesbians (and by association, lesbianism) taking all the women because as we all know, it’s those pesky lesbians who are stealing all the world’s women, who are directing the white slave trade here in North America and across the world, and implementing policies that are creating a shortage of women in China and Southeast Asia. Let’s add to that the other less evident circumstances under which a straight guy would experience a lack of available women that’s directly attributable to lesbians. Here are the top four:

1) these straight guys live in towns/cities/countries/continents/planets full of lesbians.

2) these straight guys are the sensitive type and women that they’re attracted to don’t want to hurt these sensitive guys’ feelers so they lie and say, “I’m a lesbian and am not interested in any man that way, but if I was, it would be you…” and not tell them outright that they aren’t interested.

3) these straight guys are actually magic talismans and any woman who interacts with them finds the veil of confusion lifted from her eyes to instantly realize that she’s a lesbian.

4) these straight guys are only and unconsciously interested in lesbians, thinking that they have some über power to ‘turn’ lesbians into straight women.

I could go on and poke fun at these comments and the commentators, but the truth is, they aren’t funny. It’s not just that these comments are unkind and blaming and illogical and homophobic. They are statements that reveal beliefs about the place and role and value of women according to some males of the human species. And might I say that these beliefs are not in the best interests of the personhood or well-being or potential self-actualization of any female, anywhere.

I get that dating is tough and that it’s hard to meet someone who fits with you. But blaming other people (or groups of people) is not going to transform any straight guy  into the kind of person that any woman would want to be around, let alone love for ever and ever til the sun explodes and we all go boom.

So I am going be as clear as I can in the language of consumption that some males of the human species might understand:

  • Lesbians are not to blame for you not finding any women.
  • Lesbians are not to blame for you running into the natural law of scarcity.
  • Lesbians are not stealing the affections of straight women away from you (but if you’re having trouble, you might consult a lesbian or two to get some pointers…)

Think of it like this: you know Italian gelato? The good kind? Well, the presence and acceptance of one popular flavour does not deny or preclude the availability or accessibility of the others. Got it? Good. Now get dressed in clean clothes, brush your teeth, have good manners, be fun and caring, smell sweet, have an open heart, great dance moves, be inscrutable and accessible, have a six-pack for abs and get back out there and as always, be nice and be you!


cafe sign in Italy

About FS

Toronto, Canada. Writing about slices of life, the moments and minor details of which come into awareness or out of imagination and the spaces inbetween. On hiatus from writing ... at least for now.
This entry was posted in lesbian, Lesbian humor, women loving women and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to The top four ways lesbians prevent straight guys from meeting women

  1. Malkor says:

    Am late to the party. But better late than never.

    Had to smile all the way while I read your post. This kind of irrational behaviour sadly is a direct result of the “nature of the beast”, if you will. Because of course everyone else is responsible for every misfortune or perceived injustice that happen to my fellow males. That’s just how the average guy thinks. Which is also the reason why i don’t read comments anywhere but a select few locations on the net anymore. Those immature excuses for man need to spew their contempt and hatred everywhere.
    As accurate and entertaining as your post is I fear it will only add to such vermin showing up at your e-doorstep. For above reasons.
    Don’t let yourself be deterred though.
    Stay safe.

    Oh, and i think the saying goes: “Do you want some cheese to your whine?” 🙂

    • FS says:

      Glad you’re here…the party is ever ongoing. 🙂

      The saying is indeed as you wrote, “cheese with … whine” but I HAD to use beer because, well, I was talking in stereotypes too. Or hyperbole. I was annoyed and frustrated and conjured up an imaginary troglodyte in my mind as I wrote and I figured that a troglodyte would be drinking beer or swamp water at every opportunity cuz of the muck in his head and heart. (Although there are hairless, ‘civilized’ mousy/nerdy stereotypical PhD types who are just as biased, prejudiced, ignorant and hateful who would opt for cheese…)

      Comments are a challenge, aren’t they? No matter the post — a scientific article, a personal blog, or a news story: sometimes it’s hard to believe that we actually made it out of the caves to travel to the moon, transplant hearts, invent the cello or create gelato. Thank goddess that even in spite of some dark periods, the better part of us prevails. We humans are irrational in our behaviour, thoughts, beliefs, actions. Some of us go so far as to believe everything we think is the only reality in terms of how the world works, and a few go one step farther and act from that place, never once stopping to wonder “Is what I am thinking/believing real and accurate or is my mind clouded by preconceived notions and thoughts I don’t want to think?”

      Thank you…I’m aiming to not be deterred.

  2. 🙂 made me smile and yes, frown, a little, not what you wrote but, the fact that you would receive such comments, who are these weirdoes?? I’d like to share advice that a friend of mine gave her son: ‘if you want to have success with women, listen to them and learn how to dance’ he is a very happily married man and an Arthur Murray dance instructor:-)-I think your advice of clean clothes and smelling sweet also applies to which I would add, boots, women love boots Nice to have you back, missed you. big butchy hug

  3. Those cunning males! Once again they have thwarted our evil plans to eliminate breeding and thus bring about the extinction of the human race. This queer villainy gig is harder than I expected.

    • FS says:

      Princess, darling: surely you didn’t expect that being a queer villain (QV) hellbent on the extinction of the entire human race (QV) to be cakewalk, did you? But on to more important matters: can I design the QV logo..? It has incredible potential to smack the mainstreaming of all things gay right where it hurts: the rising of an alt. icon. I can just imagine the T-shirts and stickers and graphic novel series. We’d have to time it just right: to last long enough before humanity disappears. Or humans. Whichever disappears first. You in?

      • You’re hired, but on one condition: None of that unethical warfare you Canadians are famous for. The fallout from Carly Rae Jepsen still hasn’t settled. I might be evil, but goodness me, I’m not cruel.

        P.S. I could write an essay covering my thoughts on “the mainstreaming of all things gay” and I’m beginning to think I should.

      • FS says:

        Dear Princess … Okay, got it: ethical warfare. Our PM is not so much into that, but I shall see what I can do.

        It’s oh so curious how moving from being illegal, to being able to get married and all resulted in being mainstreamed. (Or so it would seem — sometimes, things are not always as they appear.) Add in culture, media and marketing… I would be most interesting in your thoughts about mainstreaming of all things gay … so please write that essay ‘cuz I would love to read it.

  4. kodamae says:

    Mmh, gelati 😀 Gelato per tutti, ecco il segreto della felicità!
    Brilliant analyse. One of my former friend was like that : whenever he dated a girl, it turned out she was a lesbian, and then he came over to cry on my shoulder, accusing lesbians to steal all the pretty women… The truth is, deep inside he also considered women as sluts, because he was afraid of them. That’s very immature, and sad. Those men often use this as an excuse to hide their fear, weakness, or repressed homosexuality.

    • FS says:

      Ciao, bella :-).

      It is unfortunate and very sad.

      I confess though, I once stole a pretty girl. I had to give her back though. I forgot to take the tags off and when we went through the security, all sorts of alarms went off. The net result is that today, my mug shot is all over everywhere there are attractive, smart, funny and emotionally mature women to steal from straight guys.

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