In the name of love

found on tumblr.com

found on tumblr.com

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Tell me: what have you done in the name of love? What outstanding, super sweet, crazy wild, deliciously secret, sappy, sad, happy, hilarious, goofy, nerdy, mad, stupid, romantic, scary, adventurous, spiritual, silly, wrong, winning thing have you done that when you think of it or remember it now you shiver, shake your head, smile, blush, have a body flush or perhaps shake your head, furrow your brows, purse your lips and wish you could jettison the memory to where it will never be found and you will never remember it?

What is the thing that stands out for you that you’ve done for this thing we call love? What armies did you defeat, hills did you climb, songs did you sing, speed limits did you break? How many cycles of what-if thoughts? How many red-faced, blushing, fumbling, awkward moments did you endure? How long did you stand in the snow, or in the rain, or in the hot sun waiting to casually smiles and wave as she walked by? How many speed limits did you break, rooms did you paint, calls did you make, yoga classes did you attend, marathons did you train for, dog parks did you visit, art galleries did you browse through, books did you buy, songs did you listen to, clothes did you try on, drinks did you drink, all for love?

I’d like to know. I’d like to know what any, all, everyone has ever done in the name of love, for love, the hope of love, about love, your love for her. I’m curious what we all do for love. Or in the name of love. I wonder about it. Would you tell me?

Perhaps it’s not what you did that immediately comes to mind, but what you didn’t do or haven’t done or can’t bring yourself to do for love. Or will never do. Perhaps you sat on your hands. Perhaps pride prevented you from doing what you wanted to do. Or pragmatism: love conquers everything except for what it can’t conquer. Perhaps it’s some regret that swims around in your memory. Perhaps you haven’t experienced love that’s pulled or pushed you out of balance. Perhaps nothing stands out because yours is an experience of an intense, gentle, calm, kind of love, the kind that helped you catch your breath, find your way, and supported your heart in its thump, thump, thumping in a way that tells you’re experiencing a whole lot of a quiet, life-affirming love.

So: would you? Tell me?

~~

found on tumblr.com

found on tumblr.com

found on tumbr.com

found on tumbr.com

found on tumblr.com

found on tumblr.com

About FS

Toronto, Canada. Writing about slices of life, the moments and minor details of which come into awareness or out of imagination and the spaces inbetween. On hiatus from writing anywhere else but here ... at least for now.
This entry was posted in lesbian, lesbian life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to In the name of love

  1. I feel stupid when I’m in love but at the same time it’s such a pleasant feeling that is growing inside of me… as if life just became so easier and happier… As if it came with a brighter hopeful future. It just feels good you know.
    But then somehow at the beginning I’m always reluctant to do anything? Despite being a dreamer, I tend to be reasonable and down-to-earth in my actions. And then as you stated, there is this pride… which absolutely has to be overcome, since love is humble.
    A lovely thought-provoking post! And I love the images you chose to place at the end🙂

    • FS says:

      Dear ENS: Thank you 🙂. I think you’re right: sometimes it feels as if love is the equivalent of a ‘stupid’ pill — a thing that takes away the ability to think, see, do… and yes: it does feel good.

  2. tomboy says:

    I have taken 17 scary, hurtful, screaming, deep-thinking, wondrous, pointless and crazy years- and finally I risked my heart to love myself. Now, I have to do it all over again to love her. Hard, but totally worth it. I’m happy now.

    • FS says:

      Tomboy: Wonderful, times two. Or wonderful, two times over and over again. That’s brave and beautiful and yes, risky. I am happy to hear you’re happy now 🙂 Thank you.

  3. MakingSpace says:

    I fell in love over the internet. I’d go further – I’d say I’ve learned about myself and how it is that I love through falling in love over the internet. I have never ever read or heard or seen anything anywhere that suggests this is remotely possible, psychologically balanced, or even a little bit of a good idea. But there it is. I know I can do daily adult life. I know I can live with another person in the house. I know I can do reality. I didn’t know about love. Now – I do. And it’s nothing like I ever thought, heard, read or saw anywhere – at least not for me.

    There you have it.

    • FS says:

      Dear MS: Wow. Now that takes guts and then some. You’re incredibly brave to step into that adventure of love that leads you both out of and into yourself. Did I say wow? Wow.

  4. What I did, not very adventurous or romantic, what I did for love, is allow myself to risk my heart again, I thought I never would and that I would live my ‘monk’ life, but, she reached in and I took a leap off a big ole scary cliff.

  5. I bought a piano. I will tell you why. We had a fight. It was a fight that needed fighting. It was about her future, our future, and some private personal battles that were holding her back. I said some horrible things to her that day. They were all true, and they all needed saying. That didn’t make them any easier to say or make me feel any less miserable after saying them. Flash forward a few months. She was winning those personal battles, and I was proud of her. I wanted to tell her so, but I wasn’t sure how. So I bought a piano. I dropped $16,000 on a piano. Now, I cannot nor have I ever been able to play a piano. She is a pianist. I called her, and asked her to please come and see my piano. That was undoubtedly one of the stupidest financial decisions of my life. In matters of love, it was the smartest. As I type this, that woman is in another room, seated at that piano, giving lessons to one of many deserving and talented children that visit our home each weekday. Given the chance, I wouldn’t change a thing.

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