The question — why are lesbians attracted to each other — confused me. My first reaction was to tilt my head standard poodle-like to look for hidden meanings and wonder why people say there’s no such things as a dumb questions when clearly, there are. This question could be Exhibit #1.
My second reaction was to take a step back from my judgments, tell myself to take the question seriously and see if there’s an answer.
My third reaction was to sigh. What exactly was the question trying to get at? What prompted the question? Since I can’t talk face-to-face with the person, I’ll have to improvise. Mental machinations. Oh joy, oh bliss. To begin, let’s get some stuff out of the way right away:
- A lesbian is a female homosexual. Now, people can fuss about the word lesbian, and prefer the more socially acceptable term, gay woman which is oh so Hollywood and far removed from anything (gasp) sexual. Gay is fun. Gay is design. Gay is social. Lesbian is considered a bad word, even among lesbians. There’s a whole anti-identity anti-label movement among younger women who say they are lesbian even though they sleep with men. So I’ll be clear: when I say lesbian, I am referring to a women who is exclusively attracted to women, and who in the course of those attractions at some point, only sleeps with, hooks up with, kisses, cuddles, responds to, desires, dreams about, has sex with and orgasms only with women.
- Lesbians can be attracted to any woman: on the street, in a restaurant, in the next office, or those famous women, the ones in movies, on TV or in magazines. Lesbians like women. We’re gonna notice women in the environment. We’re wired that way.
- No two lesbians are alike.
- I won’t wander off into a possible darker side of the question, a wondering about why the existence of lesbians, or homosexuality, although it did cross my mind as something hidden behind the question.
When it comes to attraction and acting on that attraction, most lesbians seek out other lesbians. Things run a bit more smoothly that way. There’s a freedom when you can dance with someone who wants to dance with you, who returns the attraction. However, that’s not to say that all lesbians are attracted to every other lesbian, because that’s just not the case. And, there are lesbians who prefer to have nothing to do with other lesbians and instead stalk straight women. But for now, I am talking about lesbians who are happily lesbian and only interested in other women who are lesbian.
Why are lesbians attracted to each other? Because there’s something about her eyes, her ears, her imagination, her hands, her lips, her skin, her hair, her belt buckle, her fingers, her wrist. A smile, a scent, a movement, a sound or a curve; a laugh a tear, a touch. A sense of something to share, to explore, to get to know; a taking and a giving. A power. A promise. There’s something: a glimpse of something more, waiting. Curiosity. Hormones. Attraction triggers attention, a pulling into each other. But sometimes not. Not all attractions last beyond a fleeting moment.
Asking why lesbians are attracted to each other is like asking why do bees like honey, why does white need a contrasting colour near it to be seen, why is there something and rather than nothing, why are the earth and the sun and moon round, why are we here, on this planet, living, here and now?
The real reason why lesbians are attracted to each other has to do with quantum mechanics and the electromagnetic field specific to lesbian hearts, all of which is far too complex to explain to non lesbians. And besides, I’m not allowed to: it’s classified information.
Perhaps the answer to why are lesbians are attracted to lesbians is best explained this way: because it’s the logical thing to do to have any semblance of a lesbian love life, or potential dates or even friends. We might warp this logic a bit — some of us more than others — but there is a logic. And no; if you’re not a lesbian, you can’t follow it.