Straight women can read the book

Pardon me?

So that's how!

~~

For a few weeks, the search terms I saw appearing in the blog gave me some hope that there was a shift underway in the lesbian universe: terms like cuddling, loving her, love you 4 ever, lesbian marriage, and other lesbian loving-type terms appeared every day for two weeks in a row. It was quite heartening.

But it didn’t last. This week, the search term tab looked a lot like the search term tab has looked since I started this blog — lesbian wants straight women, straight woman wants lesbian sex, want a lesbian experience, and variations thereof.

<Insert a deep and dramatic sigh here>

I understand. I get it. Well, maybe I do. Sex and sexuality is fluid and women like to explore and straight women see it as something to experience and play with, after all, it’s just exploring sex with another woman. Some of my straight friends have been quite open about being curious and wanting to explore. To them, it’s a sexual fantasy, so why not? And truly, if they find a woman to sleep with, why not?

In today’s article, I’d like to point out that there’s a book that might be able to help: The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks, a book that’s been around since 2004 and is a mix of silly and somewhat informative stuff about sex between women. It’s written by a straight woman who knows of what she speaks and is offering advice to women who want to do the same.

And where did I learn of this book? In Toronto, early September, across from the endangered Riverdale Farm where it sat on a table at a yard sale being held by a reasonably attractive woman. I might have furrowed my brows when I saw it. Actually I didn’t see it initially. It was pointed out to me. Then I furrowed my brows. Those of us looking at it were all lesbians. Those of us looking at it were more than a little surprised with a dash of indignant tossed in for good measure. One of us sputtered that I had to say something to someone…didn’t I? Well, no.

I suppose in the here’s an opportunity to make money capitalistic way, the book’s writer sniffed an opportunity and used her unique expertise to take advantage of a huge gap that existed between women wanting to sleep with other women yet not knowing how to go about doing that or knowing where to turn to get the important details. It’s also possible that it was written with tongue planted firmly in cheek to be a good, funny read with appropriate pictures so that it could be a good gag gift for the straight woman who’s always complaining about men. Works either way, I think.

I did some research on the book and came away less opposed to it than I thought I would be, given the title. (Cue exhausted cliché on judging a book by its title.)

The Straight Woman’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks could be useful for straight women who use the term chicks, who are going to sleep with other straight women or who want to seduce their lesbian friends who dig straight women. It’s possible too that having such information might help put some jitters to rest for those straight women subject to such jitters. However, because I’m not in the demographic named by the book, I confess that I cannot claim any authority on the matter, just opinion.

There are nuggets of useful information in the book that might help some straight women who want a sexual encounter of two with another woman or two or three; alone or all together at once. (Some of what I saw made me blush!) The book does give a nod to the emotional context and the importance of communication, which one would think is essential for sexual intimacy between lovers of any persuasion, not just two women.

My penny’s worth? It’s not rocket or computer science this sleeping with women, specially if the bed is all cozy and warm. But if more straight women took some time to read the book they might become more informed even about the language, which in turn might help them refine their searches and find things on the internet that will help them in a substantive way in their quest to have lesbian sex. Which by the way, is not something that my blog can do.  ;-)

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by steven-meisel

About FS

Toronto, Canada. Writing about slices of life, the moments and minor details of which come into awareness or out of imagination and the spaces inbetween. On hiatus from writing anywhere else but here ... at least for now.
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10 Responses to Straight women can read the book

  1. natasiarose says:

    That book bothers me. If you want to sleep with another woman once, fine. But more than once, you aren’t straight. You’re heteroflexible or bi or whatever. Not straight. Just sayin!

    • FS says:

      Dear HF: I hear you. I think there’s a lot about this book, and its presence that raises a lot of points for conversation. However, there might be another element at play: our own inherent sexism and embedded stereotypes about women.

      We still are not used to women who just want sex. No strings, just sex please. Some people are absolutely, perfectly okay administering to their sexual wants, needs, desires and to them it doesn’t really matter if it happens with a woman or a man or undecided or a group of them. It’s just sex. And somehow, that runs counter to some perspectives about how women should be or how they are — how women are all about needing that emotional connection before getting into bed, or the sacred sharing of our sexual nature is only for someone important and not for anyone and everyone else. In the lesbian world, for a long while, we didn’t have to worry too much about being hunted for the experience. Now, it seems we’re just fair game out there on the sexual field. A notch on the belt, a way to scratch an itch. Even if we don’t want to be. But, as in the book, these straight women are equally clear that they do not want a lesbian relationship. They just want the sex. So it’s either as they are in between boyfriends, or in addition to boyfriends. Who knows? And I suppose there are lots of lesbians who dig sleeping with straight chicks so there are two sides to the equation getting their needs met. Maybe.

      My reaction to this book pushed me to think long and hard about all of this. I wondered if I wasn’t being a bit, hmm, contradictory: if I don’t want people to label me, why am I turning around and labelling (in a negative way) straight women who want to sleep with other women even if they are not lesbians?

      What I object to with straight women and their sexual interest is not the fact of it, it’s the how of it: honest to goddess, bad enough that men can be boors — why are women aspiring to the same thing? It’s as if we who are lesbians are now doubly objectified: not only by men but by other women, in the same grasping, hypersexualized way. IS that what 40 years of Our Bodies, Ourselves has brought us? Equalization of objectification? But back to the book. If it answers some straight women’s questions, and gives them tips on how to get other straight women into bed for sex, that’s great. Means they won’t be trolling for us true, through and through lesbians.😉

  2. bookishbutch says:

    We llive in a strange world, don’t we:-) You have a generous heart and spirit. Straight women on a quest are lucky to have you, seriously.

    • FS says:

      Dear BB: EEP! Or should I say grrrr … Straight women on a quest don’t have me.. no, no no. No way.

      To your point, yes, we do live in a strange and wonderful world, with strange and wonderful people, and strange and wonderful women, and as for the having, well, my own kind, thank you 😉.

      • bookishbutch says:

        Sorry, I wasn’t expressing myself too well, must have been tired:-)
        What I meant that you try to direct people to the right resources, make more sense?

      • FS says:

        BB! Oh Dear.. I understood: I was being cheeky: please accept my apology — somehow my tongue in cheek did not come across. I had pictures in my head (because my little brain goes off on tangents) of being trapped by straight women..and oh… that made me shiver, and not in a good way. Please, accept my apologies??

  3. makingspace1 says:

    Totally rockin’ photo!!!!!!

    I’ve never understood the light-heartedness of the sort of approach detailed in that book. When I came out to myself, I was TERRIFIED. When I went online and joined some support groups for women like me, we were ALL, to a woman, TERRIFIED. Also elated and confused and clear and joyful and suicidal and desperate for some way to find a life that would allow our inner reality to shine. And we were mostly terrified that we would die, or be disowned, or lose our children, or end up homeless, or lose our children, or lose our children, or lose our children (did I mention about losing our children?). The idea of just going out and grabbing some female ass for fun didn’t enter into the question. Often the most devastating (and elating) part of the equation for a woman newly out to herself was how profound love and sex felt between two women. It was as if life suddenly made sense, but yet the children (!!!!!) needed to be fed, the house needed to be cleaned, work needed to be done, and oh YEAH the husband needed to be considered. Also the religion and the legal system and on and on.

    I’d be in favor of a society where no one’s orientation is assumed. I’d be in favor of a book that talks about how to come out safely after living straight all of your adult life (shout out here to Joanne Fleischer’s book Living Two Lives). In that case a book like the one you mention would just become irrelevant.

    I’d like that.

    By the way. I still have custody of my children. Just sayin.

    • FS says:

      Dear MS: It would be wonderful to live in a world where nothing is assumed about anyone, except the fact that they are kind, considerate human beans. I’d like that too.

      To your well-articulated point — it’s SO easy to lose sight of how terrifying those steps are, the ones that we start to take in that coming out process. I can not imagine what it’s like for women who are in situations with children, in a place where — what was it your post said..? rifles are lying around, and your rights are not sanctioned in law. I shall be silent on the religious aspect.😉 It takes a special kind of courage to not hide. And it takes a special kind of courage to acknowledge the home and the peace that’s suddenly found in a woman’s arms when you realize with stunning clarity that that is where everything in you wants and needs to be. And doesn’t the house always need to be cleaned? Dust bunnies don’t stop for nothing and nobody and they don’t care about who loves who. 😉

      • makingspace1 says:

        I remember looking into my little girls’ eyes and seeing their complete openness – to me, to life. I remember thinking “I HAVE to find a way out so they can see me being open too.” But their natural openness also scared me. Now it’s just a really good thing. They are good kids.

        We shall not speak, however, of the dust bunnies. Phht. LOL Odd how coming out doesn’t take care of that housecleaning issue. Hmph.

      • FS says:

        Dear MS: You sound as if you are a brave woman — one of those women who, as they say, feels the fear and does it anyway. What a great thing for your daughters to learn and see — that fear doesn’t have to stop you. 🙂

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