Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
– Lao Tzu
You can look in dictionaries and you can ask your mother or father, or sister or dog and you can grill your friends and you read articles and books and blog posts and go to talks and seminars and you might find a definition or two, or an explanation of the physiology and psychology, and listen to other people’s experiences and compare your own, but will anything other than your own life experience and learning tell you what true love is for you?
And if you arm yourself with all those definitions and explanation of things to look for, signals to watch, hints and traits to sniff out that will give you the indicators of true love, will that mean you can create your own checklist to take with you through your life and love travels? Does it mean that you can tick off each item as you experience it, and when you reach a quantum of checked off items with a certain woman, the One — She who sets something deep in your heart and soul moving in an entirely new way — that your checklist has served as your personal Geiger Counter of Love that uncovered your true love and that all you have to do is dig?
Through myth and stories and marketing and wishful thinking and witnessing different examples of this love thing — most of it heterosexual by the way — many of us have this notion that somewhere on this planet is Her; that one true love, She who is made for us, created, formed just for us and for our loving.
Maybe. Maybe there really is one true love. Or maybe there is one true love for you in every town, every city, every country. Or maybe there is one and she’s right beside you, and you are living your life with her and you are growing together in your love — an important thing to do because the girl you fell in love with at 21 is not exactly the same woman at 33, or 43 or 63. People change, specially women-type people.
Who knows what true love is?
In the middle of being in love with her, it can certainly feel like true love until someone, you or her, or both of you at the same time wake up one morning and realize, wait: this isn’t real at all; it was a moment in time when you were both listening for something, waiting for something, wanting something more and you both tripped into something with each other at the same time. What you share can be true. It can be love. And at some point, one of you or both of you will wonder, is this real? At that same point one or both of you might answer: who knows?
That moment of asking is this true and is it real is a turning point and is the hard work of love. The hard work of showing up, paying attention; listening, sharing and being open, being willing. This is the part of being in relationship.
Real love is wanted love, a wanted relationship, with each other; I want you and you want me, and we want there to be an us: real love is crossing a threshold that has personal meaning for both of you and doing it with love and acceptance and perhaps holding hands and having some fun and frivolity and laughter along the way.
Culturally sanctioned stories of true love is all around us. Movies, Books. Poems. Songs. She who is, or will be or could be or might be, the One. She who will love you and whom you will love until the end of time, across all lifetimes.
How about a true love that is real? That exists. That shows courage and strength. That started as true and moved to real. You and her. She who will take my last breath, last touch, last kiss full of stardust; sharing espresso, cuddles in the night, calls to say hello during the day, holding each other when frightened, fingertips to tears, teasing and shivers and that sound that only she makes when you touch her. A blink across a room that says it’s time to go home now…for the rest of your life, to share all of your love, all of your like.
This is my 100th post to my L blog and to accommodate the study I did that said lesbians want to read about love, I wrote about love.