Who knows what real love is?

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

– Lao Tzu


You can look in dictionaries and you can ask your mother or father, or sister or dog and you can grill your friends and you read articles and books and blog posts and go to talks and seminars and you might find a definition or two, or an explanation of the physiology and psychology, and listen to other people’s experiences and compare your own, but will anything other than your own life experience and learning tell you what true love is for you?

And if you arm yourself with all those definitions and explanation of things to look for, signals to watch, hints and traits to sniff out that will give you the indicators of true love, will that mean you can create your own checklist to take with you through your life and love travels? Does it mean that you can tick off each item as you experience it, and when you reach a quantum of checked off items with a certain woman, the One — She who sets something deep in your heart and soul moving in an entirely new way — that your checklist has served as your personal Geiger Counter of Love that uncovered your true love and that all you have to do is dig?

Who knows?

Through myth and stories and marketing and wishful thinking and witnessing different examples of this love thing — most of it heterosexual by the way — many of us have this notion that somewhere on this planet is Her; that one true love, She who is made for us, created, formed just for us and for our loving.

Maybe. Maybe there really is one true love. Or maybe there is one true love for you in every town, every city, every country. Or maybe there is one and she’s right beside you, and you are living your life with her and you are growing together in your love — an important thing to do because the girl you fell in love with at 21 is not exactly the same woman at 33, or 43 or 63. People change, specially women-type people.

Who knows what true love is?

In the middle of being in love with her, it can certainly feel like true love until someone, you or her, or both of you at the same time wake up one morning and realize, wait: this isn’t real at all; it was a moment in time when you were both listening for something, waiting for something, wanting something more and you both tripped into something with each other at the same time. What you share can be true. It can be love. And at some point, one of you or both of you will wonder, is this real? At that same point one or both of you might answer: who knows?

That moment of asking is this true and is it real is a turning point and is the hard work of love. The hard work of showing up, paying attention; listening, sharing and being open, being willing. This is the part of being in relationship.

Real love is wanted love, a wanted relationship, with each other; I want you and you want me, and we want there to be an us: real love is crossing a threshold that has personal meaning for both of you and doing it with love and acceptance and perhaps holding hands and having some fun and frivolity and laughter along the way.

Culturally sanctioned stories of true love is all around us. Movies, Books. Poems. Songs. She who is, or will be or could be or might be, the One. She who will love you and whom you will love until the end of time, across all lifetimes.

Real love?

How about a true love that is real? That exists. That shows courage and strength. That started as true and moved to real. You and her. She who will take my last breath, last touch, last kiss full of stardust; sharing espresso, cuddles in the night, calls to say hello during the day, holding each other when frightened, fingertips to tears, teasing and shivers and that sound that only she makes when you touch her. A blink across a room that says it’s time to go home now…for the rest of your life, to share all of your love, all of your like.


This is my 100th post to my L blog and to accommodate the study I did that said lesbians want to read about love, I wrote about love. 

About FS

Toronto, Canada. Writing about slices of life, the moments and minor details of which come into awareness or out of imagination and the spaces inbetween. On hiatus from writing ... at least for now.
This entry was posted in being a lesbian, lesbian life, Loving and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Who knows what real love is?

  1. kindamixedup says:

    Great post. Always warms my heart to hear about love, especially nowdays. I really do believe there is someone out there for everybody. But people should not expect that person to fall out from the sky onto their arms. Sometimes, even destiny needs a little push, a little friendly push in the back.

    • FS says:

      Dear KMU: Thank you. I agree with you. Love is all around, in many guises and oh wouldn’t it be wonderful if women dropped from the sky?? As for destiny, I haven’t decided if I believe in it, however, I think going out and being subtle about pushing or pulling at some of life’s bits to get what you want, is always a good thing specially when you know she’s out there … and the two of you need to meet.

  2. terrisitagg says:

    Darn…BB used all my lines! You are a wonderful writer, and I do so enjoy seeing your
    name come up in my mailbox. One hundred, hmm? I know you have been wondering if you
    should continue on with this, and for what it’s worth (that and $4.95 will buy you a demitasse of espresso). my vote is yes. You inspire introspection, coax consideration, and delight us with your clever turn of phrase. Your prose transcends gender and orientation, and beguiles with humour, and touches the heart of the matter. Brava Bella!

  3. bookish butch says:

    Happy 100 th!!! Well, this lesbian does want to read about love, write about love and love.
    Your blog brings me joy, makes me think, makes me question my preconceptions and ‘old slipper’
    ideas, you know comfortable, shakes the ole butch up, I appreciate that, and I appreciate you.
    You are a sensitive, funny and insightful writer, remember that, ok? Big butchy hug:-)

    • fs says:

      BB: Thank you :-). Your hugs are very welcome. So, love is it..? Hmmm… I’ll have to see what I can do about that 😉

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