She came into my office, plunked herself down in one of the chairs facing me and sighed, her arms full of what looked like a lot of papers. My ears twitched. It was one of those sighs that magically conveys, “I don’t really want to talk about this but it’s reached a point where I can’t keep it to myself any more so I have to talk to you about it.”
Some days it is SO not fun being able to hear people’s thoughts.
I looked at her, keeping my face even and said nothing, waiting for her to talk. “We have to do something. It’s well into Spring now and we’re getting inundated with these.”
She plopped the huge pile of stuff she carried in with her down on my desk. It was NOT a neat pile of stuff. I started to pull slips of paper, then individual pages out of the pile randomly, my left brow starting to furrow a bit.
“There’s more here,” she said, pulling out her IPAD, calling up the Lineage’s CONTACT US inbox, then handing it to me. I scrolled slowly through some emails. Each mail, each slip and sheet of paper was remarkably similar. Each one contained the same question with slightly different wording, asked by different women living in different places in the universe. What are the chances of that?
(Scientific statistical explanation) Actually, the chances of a woman asking a question that other women ask at some point in the trajectory of her life is pretty good — somewhere in the 117 per cent range. Add in the lesbian factor and I’m thinking we’re out of the realm of chance and into 1,370 per cent certainty.
The question was about love.
“Can you help me? I love her, but I’m afraid to tell her. Is it okay to leave her a note telling her how I feel? Or lots of notes everywhere so that she’ll find them when I’m not around. But I don’t know what to say. Does the Lineage have love notes I can use?”
She watched me as I went through a few more and then she visibly relaxed as she realized I understood her concern. She’s not my assistant for nothing — fast on her feet and with her mind. But it was a Friday afternoon, 4 p.m.
“Can you pull everyone together for a few minutes?”
We gathered in the Library cafe where my assistant explained what she’d discovered. She ended by saying she thought we should do something. Quite frankly, I was leaning more toward being laissez-faire about it all, but it became clear quickly that the staff felt strongly about it too and I couldn’t come up with a good reason not to let them do something.
I stood up to address the group. “Okay, so it’s Spring and everywhere it seems lesbians are falling in love for the first or seventh time and it never gets easier to say I love you that first time,” I said as a few heads nodded.
“And all you romantics want to answer the question and help lesbian love along. Do I have that right?”
“It’s more than that,” said one of the staff, the one with the lesbian haircut #7. “It’s just that there are so many of them and I’m worried that if we don’t take care of it now, we’ll end up with an unimaginable crisis of tongue-tied lesbians on every planet. We’re not resourced to handle a catastrophe of that nature or size.”
Her chin was trembling. What could I say? How could I argue with that logic?
“Come up with a solution and a plan to implement it,” I said. “Given the urgency of this crisis, anyone who wants to work on this can. You have the weekend. I want it on my desk first thing Monday morning.”
I turned to my assistant, Mia, to answer the question she didn’t ask out loud. “You can call me if you need me.”
They went to work, devising a strategy and a plan to make it happen. They hunted through the archives and over a weekend of good food, great wine and wonderful conversation, they drafted responses for review and then whittled them down to some samples or at least, inspirational provocations. They even provided some of their own personal views and ideas.
Monday morning, the crew was waiting for me, a bit bleary-eyed. It felt surreal. Every shade, flavour, style and tribe of lesbian looking for all the world like it had been fun and productive weekend. As I glanced around, I could see many of them quiver with anticip /ation. I half expected someone to start playing Time Warp.
I smiled and said, “Show me.”
Some of the newer staff stood and with Mia, went over the plan, showing me what they had produced and how they felt it should be implemented. I listened, asked a few pointed questions. When they were done, I looked at Mia, smiled and raised my chin slightly.
“Good work, everyone. Go make it happen and then go home.”
A simple strategy: Answer the emails with an email, answer the little slips of paper with dreams, or planted daydreams and mirages and cloud formations and giant billboards on the universal highways that are visible only to lesbians and bisexual women that provide a unique combination to a secret portal where they can get information to answer their question. Engage the Lineage’s cosmic crew across all worlds to paste up posters and insert ads in appropriate newspapers. And start rumours that according to the lastest astrological, meteorological, financial and commodity market omens, alignment of the planets has never been better for all signs of the lesbian tribes to say YES! to love.
It’s always better to tell her face-to-face and in person that you love her. If that’s not possible, or if that will trigger a heart attack in either one of you, then a love note is a reasonable second option. Here are some suggestions.
- Get different sized sticky notes. Write I Love You or I’m thinking of you, or I miss you, or I love you more than espresso or I can’t get your kiss out of my head, on a bunch of them. Then when you are at her place, place them all over: one in the shower, in the medicine cabinet, in each drawer of the dresser, in the kitchen cabinets, in her tool box, on her shoes.
- Get a colouring book and a box of crayons — the one with 96 colours. On random pages, colour the image and go OUTSIDE the lines; colour with the abandon of a joyful six year-old and and then write, you are colourlicious and I love love love you outside the lines.
- Find some love poems that say what you would like to say and practice reading them outloud. Find background music that matches the poems. Use your PC or MAC and record it on your PC or Mac. Burn it on a CD/DVD. Make a cover for the disc with her name on it. Leave the final product for her, near her PC if she has one, with a sticky note that says, for your ears only. If she does NOT have a PC, get one of your musical, spoken-word performance friends to deliver it for you, sort of like a singing telegram, with a lesbian slant.
- Take her to the cafe that the two of you like to hang out in and order her an espresso, or mocha — and make SURE you have arranged with the barrista in advance to write both of your names in the crema with a heart around them, and give that cup to her.
- Find a postcard that has an image that is meaningful to the both of you. Write something about that image on the back of the post card, a loving memory perhaps and sign it, “I love you.” Put the postcard in an envelope, address it and MAIL it to her.
- Find sayings of love that resonate with you on the internet, print them off and sign each one, with “wish I had thought of this to say to you.” Leave them in places she will find them: in a pocket of her jeans, under her pillow, near the toaster, on her bike, in her car taped to her skateboard, in a book she’s reading that she keeps near her bed. You get the idea.
As for writing a love note: write what’s in your heart, but do NOT compare her to another love or other women unless you know she really likes that. Talk about what it feels like to be with her, or away from her, for the two of you to be together.
- I want you to know I love you.
- I love you more than music and water and ice cream and cuddling combined.
- My heart just pounds with you, full of love, wanting to love you, wanting you to love me. Can we? Can we love…?
- When you’re here the world breathes its deep belly breath, filling its lungs and nourishing its collective mind and we can be in silence or in laughter or in love or in different parts of this place that is home and then you go and I might still be breathing deeply, going about my day with thoughts of you running everywhere inside my head but the world; well, the world is holding its breath until you’re here because Goddess knows, the only the way the world is right is when you are right here with me.
In the event that none of these inspire you, feel free to drop the Lineage another note. The team is really keen to help make this lesbian love season as smooth as possible.