Lesbian Wishes

one per lesbian per day until it’s all gone

Lesbians wish for things. Love. Acceptance. Money. Recognition in their field. A family that cares. To be older, younger, smarter, cuter, fluent in seven languages. To be healthier, to lose weight, to gain weight, to live without fear. To have talent with the discipline to use it, to rock a T-shirt and a pair of jeans, to have great hair. To be free of addictions and debt, to travel, to have a dog or a cat, or a bunny — oh wait, the bunny’s MY wish — or a best friend or not feel alone. Some lesbians wish to have a woman in every port in the world before settling down, or just have lots of strings-free sex, or to fall in love  and never get out, to get pregnant, or to save the world.

Other lesbians wish to write the best lesbian novel EVER, to be an artist, to have fun, to stop the wars, to stop hate, to stop the world for a minute, to cure cancer, cure stupidity, to stop climate change, to experience everything, to experience more, to not worry, to be able to feed the kids, to become a Buddhist nun, to have inner peace, to have faith in something or someone, to stop negative patterns of behaviour, to stop hurting themself and others, to live a good life and be a good person, to live lightly on the earth, to laugh.

It seems that if a thing can be wished, a lesbian somewhere will wish it. And lately, it seems that there has been a constant chorus of wishes from around the lesbian globe floating through the air that have somehow managed to reach the ears of the Goddess. Now it just so happens that part of Her contract states that if She hears a wish she has to grant it. However, She-Who-Ain’t-No-Dummy (aka the Goddess) normally wears ear plugs since there’s nothing in the contract that says she can’t.

This past weekend she happened to be doing some Goddess-type heart-melting yoga under the perigee moon and had to remove the ear plugs. As she did the asanas, as her heart was melting, she heard the chorus of wishes.

A couple of extraterrestrial communications later to a circus that’s a cover for specially skilled creatures resulted in a conversation and triggered a series of phone calls that got a package delivered to my home office. The package contained an envelope and what looked like a telephone number but was not. I keyed the numbers on my Mac and received instructions about the envelope and what I am to do with it.

I was instructed to give out Wish tickets.

Seriously?

Seriously. It seems that the Goddess had just finished watching The Wizard of Oz for the 3,217th time and was impressed yet again by how the cowardly Lion became courageous when he received a medal and how the Scarecrow got smart when he received a paper diploma and how the Tin Man found the sound of a clock gave him a heart he didn’t have and how Dorothy only had to click her ruby red heels three times to be home even if it was in a dream.

As Goddess was doing her yoga of super slow moves, it came to her: she would give out Wish tickets. She had to check that it was okay to do it that way. Contract and all. Her innovative approach was given the green light. Wishes will be granted by the Goddess to lesbians who ask for a Wish ticket, which can only be done through the usual channel: my department in the Lineage.

There are 118 tickets on the roll. For those of you who get a ticket, you’ll receive instructions on the correct ritual for sending your wish to the Goddess. First come, first served, and a skill-testing Lesbian question WILL be asked. If a non-lesbian happens to get through and get a ticket, well, let me say this about that: you will be dealing with one most pissed-off Goddess who can curse you and your progeny oh, creatively and forever. So don’t do it.

As with all wishes, remember that it can take up to a year for a wish to be granted once a decision has been made to grant it. That means you can watch the Wizard of Oz at least 800 times to get your feel-good feelings going when you sing along with the songs. Remember not to be scared by the Flying Monkeys — oh wait: that’s me who’s scared of them. Anyway, it’ll take a few days for 118 of you to get your bearings and figure out how to contact my department’s Lineage office for your Wish ticket.

In the meantime, gotta teleport into the Emerald City (Following yellow brick road is SO old school!) I have an audience with the Great Oz to convey greetings from the Goddess and to open negotiations to embed an L Wizard in the Great Green metropolis. If the Wish ticket thing works, it’ll be an annual event. From NO wishes granted to 118 per year. How cool is that?

~~~Waves, skipping into the teleporter, singing…..I’m off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz..because because because because because ……  of all of the wonderful things SHE does!~~~

About FS

Toronto, Canada. Writing about slices of life, the moments and minor details of which come into awareness or out of imagination and the spaces inbetween. On hiatus from writing anywhere else but here ... at least for now.
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16 Responses to Lesbian Wishes

  1. I thought long and hard about what I would use my ticket for, assuming I could get one. There is a matter of qualification, of categorization, of things You Do Not Know. No matter, I was only going to wish for some words of wit and wisdom to read. Looks like my wish is already true!

    • FS says:

      Dear Princess: You raise a very important point: if granted one wish, how to use it? Is it actually a good thing to be granted a wish?

      You might just be an Irish angel if you have already have acquaintance with things You Do Not Know. And, being an Irish angel, all you have to do is capture a leprechaun and you will be granted three wishes. I last saw a leprechaun deaking into a pub in Oxford through that little door that’s specially made for them. What a leprechaun was doing in Oxford is beyond me…but if you go looking, good luck!

      • That is easy to answer. There is a tailor in Oxford who is well known for making some of the world’s finest tiny green sport coats.

        As for the thing You Do Not Know, they are things that YOU do not know, I obviously know them. Might as well blow the lid off it and get this over with. Over the last year things in my life have changed, and I have come to realize something.

        Now, don’t panic… I am still in love with the same woman and we still share our lives with one another. We are not parting ways any time soon.

        The truth remains that I have come to realize something about myself. There are rare instances where I can and do find certain men to be physically attractive, and even more rare – but still existent – is my ability to find some men emotionally attractive too. The jig is up… I am not a lesbian. I am a bisexual.

      • FS says:

        Princess; I knew you’d have the answer! Oh… you mean… me..? There are tons of things I do not know. In fact, the more I learn the more I realize I know nuffin’. I’m aiming for beginner’s mind. There was a jig..? If the Goddess has any movement through your life she may manifest in things you come to learn about you, who you are and how you are in the world. You can love a woman. And you can love a man. That makes you capable of loving. Categories are…for libraries, indexing and for other people to put you in a box and assume they know you. The wonderful thing is your honesty. 🙂 Princess, thank you for sharing.

  2. Terrisita says:

    Sending request, and as per my usual behaviour, thumbing my perfectly strong and distinct (in a cute kind of way, but not belaying my heritage) nose at “the rules”. Goddess knows I am as in need of a “wish” as the next woman. Your department of lineage is being required to act as gate-keepers (and dare I say “enforcers”) far to often, in my estimation, probably due to your excellent service record (and your favoured status). I must say that your Goddess seems miserly in her granting of a mere 118 wishes (obviously there is some significance to that number) and threats of her “curses” speak volumes of her need to control her environment…but I thought she could do that?? Being a Goddess and all? And Lady, you don’t have the market on “fear of flying monkey’s” cornered by any stretch of the imagination…we are Legion. My best advise to you is “Pay no attention to the person behind the curtain”. I remain, your faithful servant, doing my best to follow super slow yoga moves…
    T.

    • FS says:

      T: All this time and we never shared our fear of flying monkeys??? How can that be? Gods and Goddesses — as in the earth spirits, Titan, Greek and Roman types are not perfect, as you know. COntrol figures prominently in the Goddess’ world: 118 does have significance via the Kabbalah..and the mystery and message contained within numbers: the Goddess will be pleased you got that. I figured that 118 is better than the none she was granting: How rude are ear plugs? As for me….I am called as my area of expertise allows: and I totally draw the line at enforcing anything. Sigh…slow yoga is so…… wonderful and HARD. I promised to not pay attention…to any curtains: (I prefer blinds). F 😉

      • Terrisita says:

        The 118, yes, I got…slow yoga…(the control is HARD), you are so right about those ear plugs…I find them as offensive as those stupid “game-thingies” that earth children are indulged in and encouraged to drain their creativity with (funny story when you have a moment from “wish lists”…about the Goddess and what she INSISTED I did at my restaurant!!) No comment on my nose or my references to said Goddess’s curses?? Phah! (just sayin’!!) So, any inspiration as to whether I will be part of the “pool” for the cherished “118”?? Hope the Goddess isn’t all into labels and boxes and limits and the “purity” of the tribes…I was so hoping she would consider inclusivity and sensitivity and participation and honesty over…limits, judgements and picking me last for volleyball…(forget I said that!!) Hell, (oops, Heaven!!) I’ve burned enough incense and said enough intentions to make a Catholic blush! (Not that should or does mean anything to the Goddess. Just putting it in a human context…I fear she may not recognize it)..forever in service, always in debt, T.

      • FS says:

        T: Is any tribe pure…? As you know THAT Goddess does not take responsibility: she is often heard grumbling that humans want to blame her for all sorts of things that she has no part in whatsoever. Um, what’s wrong with your nose? As for who’s in, it’s first come, first served… I am simply the messenger, and have no influence with the Goddess. If I did, I’d be doing Lineage work in Ana Capri year round. As for the skill testing Lesbian question, it pops up on the screen when the department is contacted so I cannot pass it along. In case we get hacked. I MIGHT be able to do something about that debt though. Let’s call it a Jubilee Year. (( hugs 🙂 ))

  3. makingspace1 says:

    This is kind of like The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – on acid. In a good way.

    I want a ticket.

    • FS says:

      Dear Making Space: Oh my gosh. Thank you! HOW cool are you?? I LOVE the Hitchhiker’s Guide… Raises eyebrow… On acid? Wow. I am glad to hear that’s a good thing.

  4. bookish butch says:

    Have sent request. what’s wrong with old school? 🙂

    • FS says:

      Dear BB: Nothing is wrong with old school, but when I need to cross dimensions and time zones to sit in that cafe in Paris and be home in time for dogs and dinner, well, teleporters are handy, are they not?

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