Alchemy didn’t work the first time


Life lessons. Apparently I still need them. Let me explain …

I’ve mentioned before that I often review the search terms that direct people here. After reading some last week, I had the temerity to wonder out loud and with a groan, “Surely this is the bottom of the barrel of uninformed? They can’t get any worse.”

Because part of my statement sounded a bit like a question the Universe, the Goddess, the Trickster or the Google Generator Gods — SOME BIG INVISIBLE POWER — decided an answer was in order. With an evil and altogether annoying giggle the meddlers said, “Oh  yes they can!” and went about proving it to me. Just to drive me nuts.

Let me share with you how it went. Today I did a quick, superficial scan of the recent search terms that have landed people here and as I scanned my attention was brought to a skidding halt as I read: How to transform a straight woman into a lesbian.

I looked at it for a moment, my mind not sure how to hold the concept suggested by the query and then said out loud: “You’ve got to be kidding. Enough with turning straight women in lesbians already. Geez.”

My dogs looked up. I explained it to them. They yawned. My heart sank. Why do I tempt the Goddess to prove me wrong? Do I need a life lesson again? Ask and you shall receive? Say and it will be shown? No matter how smart or dumb or perfect I think a thing, when I question it a specific way that question bubbles to where the meddlers live and they get together to show that there will always be one more of this thing called See? And you didn’t think it possible.

At least the language improved: from turn to transform.

Transformation exists. It is possible to transform a building, a field of dirt, a business process, the colour of your hair. It is possible to transform metal and chemicals and cities and the shape of a nose; it is possible to turn ideas into communities, fear into love, dark into light, plastic goods into ocean water molecules, garbage in art, sunlight into electricity, foodstuffs into carcinogens, lack of connection into hate. But to transform a straight woman into a lesbian? I don’t know how to jump up and down to get noticed in the blogosphere by that searcher, but if I did know how to do it I would and I’d do it yelling through the megaphone: “YOU CAN’T!”

Haven’t we been here before? Alchemists searching for ways to turn lead into gold?

Now it’s true that a straight woman might get into bed with you and not want to leave. If she tells you she is in love with you and only you and wants to spend her life with you and looks and flirts and fantasizes about other women — a very healthy thing by the way — and asks you to marry her, well, news flash: she is NOT straight.

It is also true that a straight woman might enter into a relationship with you or opt for a friend with benefits situation. But if she is with you and continues to imagine herself in relationship to and with men, she is straight and you are a passing phase.

And if she isn’t with you and you want to find a way to make her be with you and you are on a desperate quest to find a way to make that happen, including a hunt for that magic potion labeled “TRANSFORMS STRAIGHT WOMEN INTO YOUR KIND OF LESBIAN RIGHT BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES”, well, let’s just say one of us is dreaming in technicolour and it is not me.

The Goddess is whispering in my ear: No one can transform another person into something they are not, save for brainwashing techniques. No one can make someone be who they are not. You might say, but wait: my partner made me … and hand me the list. And I, being the polite person channeling the Goddess that I am, will scan the list of things your partner transformed you into, choose one and conferring with the Goddess ask you thusly: “Okay, so when you wore the maid’s outfit, did you become a maid? Did you feel transformed? Did your heart and soul and whole person feel as if you finally stepped into who you are? Did you feel at home with yourself as a maid? Were you happy being a maid? If you did not and were not then you were not in fact transformed; you played a role. And if you played a role that means at the end, when you took the maid’s outfit off, you stepped out of the role and back into who you are and how you are, which is not a maid. You were not made to be a maid; you played a maid. Thus you were not transformed.”

Someone else might say, I have been made to be someone I am not and hand me a list of things that she feels are different in her because her partner has demanded she become different and I’d read the list and channeling a weary Goddess answer thusly: “Does this list reflect who you are in your heart and soul? and she’d say No, it is not, to which I’d respond that acting and behaving a certain way is not the same as being that way deep in your core. Pretending to be, acting to be in order to survive and be alive is not being transformed. Thus, you worked and you were not transformed.”

And yet another might say, my partner made me transform with her love, and hand me the list of how she is transformed, and I will read it and find the Goddess smiling. Tricky this one. Much like Rumi speaking of his Love. Still, I’d answer thusly: “You are thriving in this love and think yourself transformed. It is your choice, your decision to share in a love that is safe, that does not ask you to be anyone other than what, who and how you are, and that has opened the doors in you that you have kept closed, barring access to undiscovered parts of you or has welcomed parts you dared not share. You have let love touch your core and you have blossomed: you have been seen, you have been found, you have become who you are. You are transformed and your love has made it possible.”  I’d know it’s cryptic and doesn’t answer the question, but seriously, what do you expect when it’s a Goddess’ whisper?

Straight women can transform into many things, but a truly straight woman can’t be made to transform into an honest-to-goodness, real, life-long lesbian by any magic known to Sappho.

Still, I’m left wondering why someone would want to transform a straight woman into a lesbian. Seems a bit creepy and controlling to me. On the other hand, maybe someone just visited a story idea generator site for a sci-fi idea and Transform a straight woman into a lesbian popped up and before writing it, did the right thing to see if that has been used and landed here by mistake.. Could happen.

Now that we’ve straightened out clarified that, there is an interesting aside to the search term thing. Of the 12 people who drop by this blog, about nine of them get here because they key a search term. Of those search terms, about 80 per cent relate to straight women becoming or turning gay. Now, I am not an academic but this has been consistent over the 13 months since the blog launched and demonstrates either synchronicity, coincidence or a cultural context, belief or desire. Or a combination of all of the above.

On the other hand, it could be the same person asking the same question every day and landing here every day for fun. I find it all rather interesting. In fact, I must take my permit and ponder this more deeply as time and life allow. In the meantime if you’ll excuse me, I have to don my Alchemist’s cap and cook up some magic potion to test on some new recruits back in the lab.

About FS

Toronto, Canada. Writing about slices of life, the moments and minor details of which come into awareness or out of imagination and the spaces inbetween. On hiatus from writing anywhere else but here ... at least for now.
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2 Responses to Alchemy didn’t work the first time

  1. lsawyer713 says:

    Seems like to me, even if a lesbian were to try and possibly succeed in getting a straight woman into bed with her, she would go right back to men… ah, because she is straight…

    • FS says:

      I agree: to some extent, it’s relatively easy to hmm…how shall I say, invite a straight women to mess up the sheets, and that may indeed be all that some of our tribe want: give as many straight women the ‘lesbian sex experience’ as possible. But this notion of turning a straight women gay, well, let’s see: girls play gay in college then return to straight; women play gay in prison, until they get out: so sex is sex is sex, and the body responds as it is designed to, by touch and titillation, it’s true. But does it make her lesbian just because she’s able to respond sexually to a woman? Not if her heart and soul want to be with a man.

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