The Lazy Lesbian’s Guide to Meeting Women

Spring is near. You can smell it in the undertones wafting through the air: hints of vanilla ice cream mixed with long leisurely strolls along the boardwalk. And because it’s Spring, some women of the lesbian persuasion start to think about meeting women of the same persuasion, but find themselves completely and utterly flummoxed when it comes to knowing how to go about it.

Finding ways to meet women can seem somewhat daunting. But trust me on this: it’s not that hard. Women are everywhere. Even lesbian women.

People have asked me how met so many women and managed my revolving door dating. I’m sure I could write an entire book about the subject, but I’ll just hit the highlights.

Truth is, I was never all that concerned about meeting women. I didn’t actually work all that much to meet any, either. Most times women just sort of..showed up around me with smiles and stories. I learned later it’s because my ever-lovin’ trouble-making wonderful (also gay) brother spent a fair amount of his time sending women my way. His recon efforts provided me with lots and lots of choices.

Other times, meeting women was a spontaneous, in-the-moment kind of thing for me.

For example, early in my career as a lesbian (I am a professional lesbian) some friends and I were at a club, having a good time. Over the course of the evening, I noticed a woman who seemed rather interesting. As I watched, I decided that I wanted to get to know her so when she walked by my table, I stuck my foot out a bit and tripped her. Of course her drink landed ALL over me and I, in my ever helpful way, took her to the hospital to get her broken arm treated. We did end up dating for more than two minutes, and I was pleased that all I had to do was move my foot a little and be my charming, helpful self. There were benefits to seeing someone outside my circle of friends. Through her, I met a whole new tribe of women I would never have met who in turn introduced me to other women.

Another way for the lazy lesbian to meet women is through work. Now this was tricky. I had no intention of ever mixing work with anything but work, but sometimes, well, sometimes things do not go according to a plan of no intentions. The workplace worked very well for me, but a word to the wise: do not ever, ever date your boss: EVER, EVER, EVER.  Bad enough that your periods happen at the same time because you work in the same place. Throw in a couple of “why didn’t you call me when you got home” and “can I see you in my office, NOW!” moments, and you can see that this is not going to be a good thing.

It sometimes happens that you meet women through a woman you are seeing. I have found that helpful. You get to know the women a bit which in and of itself, tends to reduce the potential of “oh my god I am dating a psychobabe with whirling eyeballs: get me out of here NOW!”  In fact, this lazy way has been quite productive for me.

The truth is, there are all sorts of ways to meet women, school, bars, clubs, speed dating, the internet, ads in newspapers, or notices posted at the local laundromats. Other places are auctions, the public library, bookstores and lingerie shops. But for the most part, you have to work and wait. No wonder it’s one date and marriage. It SOO much work! Goddess, what a waste of time.

Today, if I did need to meet a woman, I think I MIGHT do it a bit differently, having learned from my earlier escapades. I’d be just as lazy, go through my days as I always do with alert curiosity. And if I saw an interesting woman I wanted to meet, and she passed all the preliminary gaydar tests, here’s what I’d do: I’d stick my foot our to trip her as she walked by, and with near invisible stealth, throw myself down to break her fall, wrap my arms around her, smile serenely and say, in the way that I do, gently and sweetly,  “Hello. Looking for me?”

About FS

Toronto, Canada. Writing about slices of life, the moments and minor details of which come into awareness or out of imagination and the spaces inbetween. On hiatus from writing anywhere else but here ... at least for now.
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4 Responses to The Lazy Lesbian’s Guide to Meeting Women

  1. Apparently Nazareth was right, love really does hurt.

    I think I’ll call it… Vicodin dating!

    • me says:

      Dear Princess; hmmmm (cue the music!) Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and mars, any heart, not tough or strong enough…. THAT song?

      Can one not kiss and make it better..? And now I cannot get that song outta my head. QUICK need a replacement!

      (Cue next song: Katrina and the waves, Walking on Sunshine) I feel the love,I feel the love, I feel the love that’s really real I feel the love, I feel the love, I feel the love that’s really real

      I’m on sunshine baby oh
      I’m on sunshine baby oh

      • You could always alter the lyrics to suit your purpose:

        I’m tripping my future wife – whoa
        I’m tripping my my future wife – whoa

        I’ll just stick out my foot

        All right now…

      • me says:

        Princess, I think you are onto something here…let me get out my editing pencil and get back to you with some wacky lyrics 🙂

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