There was a little blurb in AfterEllen.com about how lesbians had halted their conversations that centre on who loves who more in order to watch the 2010 Winter Olympics. That got me thinking about lesbians, love and Olympics. And I thought, why not?
Lesbian Love Olympics. Kind of catchy, don’t you think?
First of all, Lesbian Love Olympics has a dizzying array of design potential for flags, logo, clothing, water bottles, posters, CD covers, bed sheets. Good design even! Hey maybe even GREAT design.
Personally, I am quite bored of the rainbow flag as the main icon. It is not as universal as we in North America think: in Europe the rainbow flag is used for PEACE. Lavender is not a dynamic enough colour either. The double-headed thingy….what is it? A labrys? It’s an axe for goodness sake! What’s that about? The Pink Triangle has a sad history… so I guess using it is a take-it-back kind of statement.
However, as the Prime Initiator (surely you did not think I’d let someone else initiate?) of the Lesbian Love Olympic Games — or LLOG they will come to be called, I would make the tough decision to be discriminatory and hold a design competition for women to submit their ideas, image and prototypes for everything ranging from the logo to Olympic Village sleeping quarters.
I would, as the Prime Initiator, call all lesbian tribal representatives together and ask that they chose their representatives to work on various committees. All committee reps would have to meet certain criteria, chief among them a sense of humour.
There would be an oversight committee reporting directly to me whose main purpose would be project management, which means they’d have to have exemplary people skills, without beer or wine. We would also serve as the body to negotiate television and internet rights.
Reporting to the oversight committee would be other committees: one to choose the events of the LLO, one to do the fundraising and sponsorship; one to do the media and advertising, photography, one to do all the administration, including accounting, take telephone calls, secure venues, and one to do all of the special events leading up to the actual Olympics. These will be well-organized meetings complete with agenda and objectives, minutes that people can read and sound like the meeting they attended, and laughter. I would also make clear that these are NOT consensus committees. No way, no how. These are working groups.
We would go through a vision quest to help us bond as a group around a common vision of the Lesbian Love Olympics. Before people are assigned to various committees — or even agree to join as an individual contributor — they will meet with me so that I can feel their energy and see if they are a good fit.
Where disagreements arise, they will be brought to me for alternative dispute resolution to ensure that there is a win-win-win, and where the dispute might involve me, we will humbly bring it to the temple of the Goddess Athena on Mount Olympus for resolution.
Choosing the Olympic Events
The Lesbian Love Olympics must, in every way, be completely representative of lesbian love around the globe, in the 196 countries on the planet. I’d be totally open to extra-terrestrial lesbians participating too if they pay the fees, their sounds don’t break glass, their physical forms show the clothes well and they agree to take the logo stuff back to their homeworlds.
To jumpstart the discussion as to what events should be part of the Olympics, I will present a draft of things that occurred to me, making clear I am not in any way invested in any of them, but, there’d better be a very good reason to drop one.
Event 1: Lesbian Cross Country Flirting
Event 2: Lesbian Mass Dating
Event 3: Lesbian Kiss and Tell biathlon
Event 4: Lesbian Ski Jumping from Bed to Bed
Event 5: Lesbian Nordic Combined Happy Threesomes
Event 6: Lesbian Speed Skating Into Relationship with the Oh So Wrong one.
Event 7: Lesbian Curling up Into her Arms
Event 8: Lesbian Freestyle Dancing, no clogs
Event 9: Lesbian Skating on Thin Ice after a night out with the girls
Event 10: Lesbian Snowboard right Outta here
Event 11: Lesbian Luge into Love
Event 12: Lesbian Archery: Words to win and wound the heart
Event 13: Lesbian Handball (no explanation needed)
Event 14: Lesbian Rowing That Boat Upstream Without a Paddle.
Event 15: Lesbian Fencing to Keep Everyone Away
Event 16: Lesbian pentathlon which includes the following
– Lesbian Speed Guessing what your lover wants without being told
– Lesbian Party Cross: Going to a party full of beautiful women — with your partner — and not making eye contact with ANY of them
– Lesbian Canoeing through the swamps of PMS
– Lesbian Equestrian Jumping Through Hoops to get her to notice you
– Lesbian Athletics to Show Your Best Features and Still look Cool.
Since we would have time and space for 20 events, we would, I think have a lively discussion as to what else could be included, and how we would begin to set up qualifying events around the world (and perhaps universe) that would lead to Olympic teams participating in the Lesbian Love Olympics.
The tricky parts will be the test to ensure that the athletes are in fact lesbian. I might have to ascertain that myself with the athletes and report back to the oversight committee. Or give it to the oversight committee to manage.
Then, of course, there can be no performance enhancing substances whatsoever. Sadly, I haven’t figured out what they could be or how to devise tests for them. Another thing to toss over to the oversight committee while I continue al the planning requiredas part of my role as Prime Initiator of the Lesbian Love Olympics. See you there!!!!!!!!
ps. sorry for multiples in your emails!