Lesbian Love Olympics

There was a little blurb in AfterEllen.com about how lesbians had halted their conversations that centre on who loves who more in order to watch the 2010 Winter Olympics. That got me thinking about lesbians, love and Olympics. And I thought, why not?

Lesbian Love Olympics. Kind of catchy, don’t you think?

First of all, Lesbian Love Olympics has a dizzying array of design potential for flags, logo, clothing, water bottles, posters, CD covers, bed sheets. Good design even! Hey maybe even GREAT design.

Personally, I am quite bored of the rainbow flag as the main icon. It is not as universal as we in North America think: in Europe the rainbow flag is used for PEACE. Lavender is not a dynamic enough colour either. The double-headed thingy….what is it? A labrys? It’s an axe for goodness sake! What’s that about? The Pink Triangle has a sad history… so I guess using it is a take-it-back kind of statement.

However, as the Prime Initiator (surely you did not think I’d let someone else initiate?) of the Lesbian Love Olympic Games — or LLOG they will come to be called, I would make the tough decision to be discriminatory and hold a design competition for women to submit their ideas, image and prototypes for everything ranging from the logo to Olympic Village sleeping quarters.

Organization

I would, as the Prime Initiator, call all lesbian tribal representatives together and ask that they chose their representatives to work on various committees. All committee reps would have to meet certain criteria, chief among them a sense of humour.

There would be an oversight committee reporting directly to me whose main purpose would be project management, which means they’d have to have exemplary people skills, without beer or wine. We would also serve as the body to negotiate television and internet rights.

Reporting to the oversight committee would be other committees: one to choose the events of the LLO, one to do the fundraising and sponsorship; one to do the media and advertising, photography, one to do all the administration, including accounting, take telephone calls, secure venues, and one to do all of the special events leading up to the actual Olympics. These will be well-organized meetings complete with agenda and objectives, minutes that people can read and sound like the meeting they attended, and laughter. I would also make clear that these are NOT consensus committees. No way, no how. These are working groups.

We would go through a vision quest to help us bond as a group around a common vision of the Lesbian Love Olympics. Before people are assigned to various committees — or even agree to join as an individual contributor — they will meet with me so that I can feel their energy and see if they are a good fit.

Where disagreements arise, they will be brought to me for alternative dispute resolution to ensure that there is a win-win-win, and where the dispute might involve me, we will humbly bring it to the temple of the Goddess Athena on Mount Olympus for resolution.

Choosing the Olympic Events

The Lesbian Love Olympics must, in every way, be completely representative of lesbian love around the globe, in the 196 countries on the planet.  I’d be totally open to extra-terrestrial lesbians participating too if they pay the fees, their sounds don’t break glass, their physical forms show the clothes well and they agree to take the logo stuff back to their homeworlds.

To jumpstart the discussion as to what events should be part of the Olympics, I will present a draft of things that occurred to me, making clear I am not in any way invested in any of them, but, there’d better be a very good reason to drop one.

Event 1: Lesbian Cross Country Flirting

Event 2: Lesbian Mass Dating

Event 3: Lesbian Kiss and Tell biathlon

Event 4: Lesbian Ski Jumping from Bed to Bed

Event 5: Lesbian Nordic Combined Happy Threesomes

Event 6: Lesbian Speed Skating Into Relationship with the Oh So Wrong one.

Event 7: Lesbian Curling up Into her Arms

Event 8: Lesbian Freestyle Dancing, no clogs

Event 9: Lesbian Skating on Thin Ice after a night out with the girls

Event 10: Lesbian Snowboard right Outta here

Event 11: Lesbian Luge into Love

Event 12: Lesbian Archery: Words to win and wound the heart

Event 13: Lesbian Handball (no explanation needed)

Event 14: Lesbian Rowing That Boat Upstream Without a Paddle.

Event 15: Lesbian Fencing to Keep Everyone Away

Event 16: Lesbian pentathlon which includes the following

– Lesbian Speed Guessing what your lover wants without being told

– Lesbian Party Cross: Going to a party full of beautiful women — with your partner — and not making eye contact with ANY of them

– Lesbian Canoeing through the swamps of PMS

– Lesbian Equestrian Jumping Through Hoops to get her to notice you

– Lesbian Athletics to Show Your Best Features and Still look Cool.

Since we would have time and space for 20 events, we would, I think have a lively discussion as to what else could be included, and how we would begin to set up qualifying events around the world (and perhaps universe) that would lead to Olympic teams participating in the Lesbian Love Olympics.

Integrity

The tricky parts will be the test to ensure that the athletes are in fact lesbian. I might have to ascertain that myself with the athletes and report back to the oversight committee.  Or give it to the oversight committee to manage.

Then, of course, there can be no performance enhancing substances whatsoever. Sadly, I haven’t figured out what they could be or how to devise tests for them. Another thing to toss over to the oversight committee while I continue al the planning requiredas part of my role as Prime Initiator of the Lesbian Love Olympics.  See you there!!!!!!!!

ps. sorry for multiples in your emails!

About FS

Toronto, Canada. Writing about slices of life, the moments and minor details of which come into awareness or out of imagination and the spaces inbetween. On hiatus from writing anywhere else but here ... at least for now.
This entry was posted in being a lesbian, lesbian, lesbian life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Lesbian Love Olympics

  1. finding my way says:

    PI,

    Wonderful! Your reply indicates you are considering finding a role for this inexperienced volunteer. Hoping that you do intend to use my services, here are some particulars.

    I have experience in: Problem solving and logistics, I enjoy the aspect of real-time, hands on, investigation and resource utilization. My aptitude with figures is mathematical in foundation, but has recently expanded.

    I wasn’t specific about my accent; Irish heritage, New York raised, Mid-western educated, and currently (Oh gods, I can’t believe I’m saying this) a “Twang”.

    Awaiting your decision,
    FMW

    • me says:

      FMW: Are you saying that you are inexperienced as a volunteer, or inexperienced at something else? Mathematics is essential, specially when juggling lesbian-type things. I happen to be partial to prime numbers myself. A TWANG? HELL Ya!! We don’t have those up here in Canada. You are SO in: I need your skills.

      • finding my way says:

        PI,

        Being a lesbian is the inexperience, my coming out story is still being written, thus my hesitation in offering my services. Being an opportunist, I decided what better place to enhance my knowledge and possibly meet some new friends?

        Seems to me that higher mathematics could be essential in defining lesbian-type things. Though, as with primes (which are very interesting to me also), I doubt that a formula to define everything lesbian will evolve in the near future.

        LLOG, what an idea! I think that most of the events you listed or were introduced by comment, could be proffered with the beginner in mind.

        Glad to be aboard,

        FMW

  2. tapsee says:

    Dear Prime Initiator;

    I would like to offer my services as head of the eligibility committee..I feel that with my awesome qualities and amazing skills I would fill this role perfectly and with the aid of suitable committee members under me (which by the way i would need to vet thoroughly) we will make sure that only women who truly qualify will enter.

    I eagerly await confirmation of the post so selection can begin.

    • me says:

      Tapsee: You sound perfect the role — consider yourself totally confirmed. Please send me the criteria that you would use to vet and test and ensure qualifications.

  3. terrisitagg says:

    Darlin’, you had me when you said NOT consensus!!! After considering the miriad plenaries that would have to be prepared, audited, re-counted, and made representational according to tribe, I fear you have your work cut out for you. Consider the needs of each and every individual identification issue…oh, and don’t leave out those who refuse to identify with a tribe (they will have to be four years apart just to get people on the same page…hell no, the same book (trust me, I know). Happy to help in any way you think my unique talents might come in handy…(first, we need a committee to decide what those talents might be). Gotta love your spunk! (I’ll bet NO ONE ever dared to call you “spunky” before!) If you need assistance in crafting a Mission Statement, Goals and Objectives, and Codes of Conduct and Communication, I’m your woman. Let the Games begin!!

    • me says:

      T: You are right: no-one DARE call me spunky to my face :-). I agree: Stakeholder Identification + Management is crucial and inclusion is important, we are Canada: greater good, not exaltation or worship of the individual: that’s the country that I happen to be on top of. :-). Walking that fine line between community and inclusion will be interesting. I am thrilled to have you aboard.

  4. Brilliant! I’m honestly shocked that this hasn’t been done before. Sappho WAS Greek, after all.

    I hereby volunteer for the committee that handles press releases. The better half (who’s an audiophile) said she will handle the sound equipment.

    As for events, I would like to propose:

    1. 500m man hurdles – athletes must shop their way through a grocery store full of single men who won’t take no for an answer. In addition, they take “I’m gay” as “I’m bisexual, did you have a third in mind?”

    2. Climbing the walls hoping she calls

    3. Downhill relationship jumping

    4. Tonsil Hockey

    5. Swimming (who doesn’t love a nice breast stroke?)

    6. Beach Volleyball (who cares who wins, it’s all about the eye candy)

    Now, the current Olympics have a torch, but that seems awfully… um… phallic, doesn’t it? Unfortunately I can’t think of a worthy replacement.

    • me says:

      Princess K: Glad you like it. Cool. You have the job and so does the other (your) Wisconsin princess. I think your event additions are worthy of deep consideration. Everything about image — including the torch — shall have to change shape. I have designers on it as we speak…completely redesign for our purposes.

      • me says:

        Princess K … a PS: I neglected to answer a point you raised: answer why no-one has thought of this before…. it takes a Prime Initiator (PI) to put her hands on ideas and people and bring them together to get things off the ground, nurture, stand allow them to let them develop to that place where they can take off and fly on their own, leaving PI to find other things to do.

      • In regards to your PS, we are 100% on board with your hands-on approach!

  5. finding my way says:

    Hello Prime Initiator,

    My first thought, which included fervently raising and waving my hand …… Was, “Me, me, pick me, for the oversight committee”! Then I thought …… “With your well hidden need for control of everything, the oversight committee might be a no-show job”, and I do so much want to be involved!

    After much contemplation…. I have experience in administration. I would be very helpful answering phones, I have an American accent which could be of use to your endeavor? I am also good with figures, so perhaps accounting, for all volunteers and participants?

    I hope, you can find a use for someone with my ….. umm …….. limited, yet substantive abilities!

    Last thought ……. Possibly an event for beginners?

    Your truly,
    FMW

    • me says:

      Dear FMW; I am a gentle, kind, loving, balanced, yet demanding dictator with an ability to delegate and let people shine — just ask my subjects. There are hundreds upon hundreds of American accents, and which figures would you be referring to..?

      I would be very interested in what that event for beginners could possibly be and could conceivably entertain any and all tasteful suggestions. Let THOSE games begin!

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