Hard as I try, it is sometimes difficult to avoid a stereotype. So I will not assume that every single lesbian has been hit on by a very good straight girlfriend, batting her eyelids, lowering her voice and saying, “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to sleep with a woman.” Or some variation thereof.
Raise your hand if it’s happened to you. Did you?
Unless you’re in the contest where you get prizes for turning straight women into lesbians — in which case it’s ok to bed as many straight women as you possibly can — I don’t get it.
Okay, maybe it is a bit appealing when you’re coming out. Not only do lesbians want you, but OH MY GOD, straight women do too! You get to buy 365 sets of bed sheets. Breakfast in bed every weekend of the year. How cool is that?
After a while, most if not all of the straight women that you allow to experiment on you will admit that yes, sleeping together is nice and so is the sex. Then she’s gone and you get an invite to her wedding.
One or two may ponder this new thing you have introduced her to and discover that perhaps they are more interested in women than they first thought. And look at you with that look that is suspiciously close to the “I need to call the U-haul place” look.
Walk away. Or open a beer bottle with your teeth.
Again, not to stereotype, but straight women who do this are perhaps as lacking in knowledge as straight men because clearly, being a lesbian is all and only about the sex, and what’s greater and more compatible and wonderful than two women together? Well, nothing, actually, but that’s not the point.
I’m wondering about this because in the past little while a number of straight women I know, including one of my sisters, have said.”I’m giving up on men and am thinking about trying women.”
Trying women!?! Like a pair of pants? Like a shade of lipstick? Because…why, exactly? Because the sex is good and a relationship easier with a woman?
Let’s say for a minute that it’s NOT just about a straight woman having a lesbian experience: no matter which way it’s sliced, there are a THOUSAND things wrong with that way of thinking.
I’m only going to touch on a few. This is hard to admit, but lesbians are not perfect, and neither are lesbian relationships. Just because we share a sexual and emotional attraction to someone of the same gender does not mean we are exempt from the trials and tribulations of what it takes to create and sustain a good relationship. We still have to talk with each other, work at listening, overcome differences, fears, barriers, money issues, sex issues, decorating the house issues, disciplining the dog issues, family issues, ebb and flow of love and loving, monogamy or the lack of it, job change or loss, and now, childbirth and parenting and divorce and co-parenting and step-parenting. There’s darker stuff too: sadly, lesbian relationships are not immune to issues of addiction or abuse or power struggles.
And, think of this: there are now TWO women in close proximity sharing PMS, a menstrual cycle, and later, perimenopause, hot flashes and menopause. Oh joy oh bliss.
Straight women seem to think that they don’t have to say anything to another woman about wants and needs, because naturally, another woman would know. Who understands women better than women? Without being told. Telepathy is big between lesbians you know. In some circles this is called magical thinking. Not really conducive to good relationships between any two people of any stripe. Here’s my truth. Women are wonderful. And some can be total jerks.
Maybe these straight women are thinking out loud. Or acknowledging their desire for a close other in their life that understands them better and more profoundly than the men in their life, because in truth, in spite of political correctness, men and women ARE different.
When straight women I know have headed down this path (and it doesn’t seem to matter if I am in a relationship or not which is also interesting), when they say, how they’ve always wondered about sleeping with a woman, or how much better a lesbian relationship must be, and it’s with the batting of the eyes and leaning in a bit too close, I call forth the best version of myself to slip out of the conversation because once again, it is another form of not knowing and of stereotyping and of ignorance. And, I opted out of that contest early in the game.