Do lesbians love straight women?

It’s that time again for me to reach into the mail bag and pull out another winning dumb question of the day. It’s an important question so I am giving it top billing and not relegating it to the Dumb Question of the Day Page section:

Q: Do lesbians love straight women?

A: Sometimes.

Funny thing about lesbians; can’t always stereotype them, even if they identify as a members of one the 13 tribes of Lesbos and as a member of a tribe, dress alike, have the same haircuts, drink the same drinks, wear the same clothes, same shoes, do the same dances, use the same words, use the same pick-up lines: underneath all that, they are individuals and not always predictable.

Some lesbians are attracted to straight women only until they get them. Some lesbians are addicted to straight women in every sense of the word addicted.

And some lesbians fall in love with a straight woman and it works because straight woman wasn’t so straight after all and they live happily ever after in their very own version a couple creating a life and love together. It turns out that while straight and lesbian are important — as labels of identity; declaration, separation and cloaks of not-so-invisibility — sometimes two women, one lesbian the other straight, both of whom have lived and loved for a while, run into each other and transcend labels and identities and somehow end up spending the rest of their lives together in respect and love able to move fluidly in all tribal settings and worlds. Go figure.

Truth is, lesbians love women: most will choose their love from the roving bands or wandering loners of women who happen to lesbians. Simple as that.

On the less than simple side of it, there are lesbians who are curiously only attracted to straight women. Is it an ego thing? An emotional reconstruction thing?

And, if said lesbians actually get and keep straight women, are those straight women still straight? And will those lesbians who found those supposedly straight women still be interested if their prey are no longer straight?

It is a question being discussed in an emerging 14th lesbian tribe that crosses all tribes, with the working tribal name of the Lestraight lesbian. They are lesbians who seem to only want straight women for one of two reasons: they only want sex and the more challenging it is to bed straight women, the better, or they want women who are unavailable, inaccessible, and not likely to ever be anything but undecided and unattainable. Discussions on the style of dress and hair are proving to be challenging, so it may take a while before this tribe is ready to declare itself.

Stay tuned for updates on this developing lesbian story from yours truly.

About FS

Toronto, Canada. Writing about slices of life, the moments and minor details of which come into awareness or out of imagination and the spaces inbetween. On hiatus from writing anywhere else but here ... at least for now.
This entry was posted in being a lesbian, lesbian, lesbian life and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Do lesbians love straight women?

  1. UK says:

    Whatever happened to just falling in love ? All the labeling just gets everyone confused !

    Sorry – but I don’t really think that you can choose whom you love. You might warn yourself not to fall in love and you might turn away from love, but you will love all the same … at least for a while ;-)

    The question is not whom you love but…. how you find the one that loves you back!

    • fs says:

      Dear UK: Hmmm. You raise good points. Labeling is part of evolution, part of maturing. the LGBT world is still in its infancy here in North America and as such, labels, differentiation, individuation from the dominant culture is still considered important.

      That said: I think falling in love still happens. All the time. I am ALL for falling in and staying in love. And Loving. I’m romantic that way. ;-) I also think that within a culture, people set their romantic sights on who they think they can fall in love with and sometimes are surprised to find in their crosshairs someone completely different than who they were looking at. Sometimes it’s love and sometimes it isn’t. Anyone can sleep with, have a fling, have a little love affair with anyone. Easiest thing on the planet. There is a difference between falling in love, falling in lust, falling into deep mad crush, falling into interest; the rush, emotional high of getting that forbidden fruit of love (or lust) with a straight women is a highly charged and powerful drug for some lesbians. And when the drug wears off?

      I suppose I was wondering about lesbians whose interest is only and ever in straight women, and who move from one straight woman to the other. In a sort of addicted way. Which might not be healthy.

      If it is true as you say that we don’t choose who we fall in love with (and I might, maybe, possibly talk about that one day) then it might be true that when faced with the feeling or knowledge of falling in love with someone, that we are then faced with conscious choices about how we act and with whom. what irks me is the continued objectification of women by Lestraight lesbians, and the objectification of women who are lesbians by straight women. One day, I hope, truly that when it’s real, it’s real, and it works between two women of any label. Shared love. I’m all for that!

      I also hope that in such situations, when it isn’t love, when it’s just sex and psychological play, that the women involved have that deep level of self-awareness and are honest about it instead of messing each other around in each other’s dramas. Just sayin ;-)

      • UK says:

        I know that we all need a little help to guide us through the complex World of today, like maps and street signs, labels help us to identify our whereabouts and with whom we interact, but it does not really tell us where we are or those around us – who we are!

        When we put a label on our self we take a stand, we put up a claim, a claim for a place in Society. I realise that as a minority – not so long ago not spoken of in polite company – a label might be what we need to stake a claim for an equal place.

        Even so part of me rebels against the use of labels because when we put a label on our lives we do it to stand out, to say HEY see me I’m different – because I Love a Woman! And bottom line – I really don’t think that whom I love makes me different! I’m pretty sure that I love, live, work, eat, enjoy, cry, laugh, worry, smile … the same as most people.

        Back to your question – if we strip off the labels – you might have asked do women fall in love, lust or whatever it might be with (wo)men who appears to be “unattainable”, “off-limits” … ?

        My answer would still be the same – YES – we do not choose whom we love, but there might be an infinite number of reasons that we do fall in love, lust and everything in between, and no matter why we do it, we always run the risk of going in for the wrong reasons and end up disappointed, hurt ….

        But even if I think that falling in love is not a conscious choice I do agree that falling in love might very well be “a guided act”. In modern society there is nothing like an untarnished free will. We are all influenced by culture, upbringing, society, the social community we belong with ect, and whether we choose to rebel or toe the line, we are still guided by the rules and values that we have learned through life – even when we fall in love ;-)

        I do realise that this is not really the question you are trying to answer, so I guess that you could say that I’m just looking at the labels, not following the agenda.

      • fs says:

        Dear UK: I like the notion of no agenda; of human becomingness. And that territory, becoming, takes people to interesting and different places, and to your first point: the map is never the territory. I think the totality of a person is never able to be captured in any single label, any single anything.

        I purposefully avoided getting into the whole psychology of people who repeatedly fall in love or whatever it is with people who are unattainable. And I also purposefully avoided the whole thing of lesbians who refuse to become involved with other lesbians. Out of my ken, entirely. And…hmmmm on rules and values. ;-). You raise many, many interesting points.

  2. bookish butch says:

    How straight can a woman who has sex with another woman be? Yeah, I don’t know, maybe I’m too old and have lost my evangelical zeal, plus, I already have a toaster oven:-)

    • fs says:

      BB: You have a toaster oven? And how did you get that, exactly? Evangelizing…. is so over. I think that’s the things that newbies do: “everyone’s gay, or has the potential to be, they just don’t know it!” Cute, and SO typical of people who have found their way to their own happiness, and OH so untrue.

      I think….that it might be an issue of label, labeling: our bodies are designed to respond to certain stimulations, and if every sense was covered that told our brain who was doing certain things to our body, we might not….care: sex is sex. Much of the remainder of sexuality is a cultural construct — and that leads to labels .

  3. natasiarose says:

    Lestraight Lesbians drive me crazy! They make str8 women think all lesbians want them. Which leads to the rest of us explaining to every str8 women we come out to, “No, I’m not attracted to you. At all. I like girls who like girls thanks.”

  4. ManyMes says:

    Women are like spaghetti, they’re all straight until you get them in hot water!

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